This week I talked with someone in whom I used to be involved with. I say that to paint a picture of the full degree to which this person knows me, and therefore seek to show a small picture of the perspective in which our conversation was engaged.
We all paint a picture of who we are to the world. Usually it is the people who we are really close to us, has seen us, experienced us; who are able to throw the real mirror to our face. In adulthood, I’m learning to appreciate mirrors. Not for its aesthetic purpose, but for its reflective and perfecting power.
Unlike the back and forth’s that may permeate out of these types of conversations; ours was mature, insightful, and may have provided me with wisdom to help me get through the next phase of my living. Well our relationship was all of that, but I’m grateful that it can still be.
Many say that those you have been previously involved with do not make for great friends after the fact. A Part of me agrees, yet the truth of that statement is too much to explore for this moment. However, I do not believe that they can no longer serve a purpose. Although “lover’ is no longer their title, it becomes awesome when you know that the person whom you used to love and now love differently, can still be “teacher”.
I need more lessons than sweet nothings anyway. I need more growth than the “should of’s, could of’s, would of’s”. I value my own self improvement and also theirs too much to repeat what just should not be OR to cut off 100% in bitterness the person who you appreciate they are.
Life is about growth and about becoming and whatever God and the universe wants to show me through whatever vessels he chooses, I’m humbled to be a student.
So in Laymen’s terms I am saying: Your Ex may be the person who can help you become the best person for yourself and perhaps the best mate for someone else. Shut your face, be humbled, get over the past, Silence your sensitivity, Listen, and then put it in practice! I’m up for taking the course.
May 27th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I agree, but I think this depends on the ex and the nature of the relationship, especially how it ended. I am good friends with my former high school sweetheart, who ended up marrying someone else and having the child I didn’t want to have – it’s interesting to look at “the path not taken” once in a while. Another ex has become almost a different person since we were together – in a good way (got healthy, lost excess weight, moved back to beloved hometown and is with someone more suitable) and I am inspired to see how personal change and growth is possible.
On the other hand, I have some former friends who belonged to an earlier phase in my life – using, abusing, being self-destructive and stupid. I don’t think I had or have much to learn from them, and they didn’t want to learn anything from me which is why we parted ways after a while. Maybe it’s meant to stay that way…
May 28th, 2010 at 5:05 am
Its interesting. Our relationship did not work out in a certain direction, but the wisdom that was in the relationship is invaluable. Im glad I feel that I can go to them for that. But I know that not all ex relationships are created equal. Sometimes you must stay away.